Hisoka
by Dark-AmethystUnicorn
Summary: Unimaginative title. Just a...something weird and funny thing that my mind came up with...don't know how though, Hisokakun is a girl though. Might do a sequel or a proper series with this idea at a later date


Gah. I know, this is very implausible but bear with me on this ride of insanity please? I have no idea where my mind was when it came up with this, I really don't, maybe it's the exams that are doing this to me. hm, maybe I should study the effects of exams on fanfic authors? That could be worth something.  
Maybe I should've left this idea alone though, Hisoka's pretty mad at me now. T-T (Don't tell him but I have a feeling I'll be making him a girl many times before I stop)

Disclaimer: means a disclaimer, no own-y, so no sue-y.

**Hisoka**.

"Yes, finally, this has to be the right combination." Watari Yutaka beamed as he poured the potion into a coffee cup. "I'll finally be able to understand females if it does." He sniffled, flicking a tear away. "I'm so happy I'm starting to cry,"  
"Why are you so happy?" an icy voice suddenly spoke form behind him.  
Watari shivered. "Tatsumi! Don't do that."  
A warning tone crept into Tatsumi's voice. "Watari."  
Watari laughed sheepishly. "Um, I'm happy because Bon and Tsuzuki are coming back?" he pouted childishly. "They've been gone so long, it's cruel, and I've had no guinea pigs because of it!"  
Tatsumi blinked then took a step back seeing the maniacal gleam in his friend's eyes. "I think I'll leave you alone…and keep out of their coffee!"

"Oh I will." Watari chirped as Tatsumi left the room. He smirked mischievously a moment later. "I mean I've already been in it, what's the point of going after it now?"

XXX

"Soka-chan! You're back!"  
"We've got pink house dresses for you!"  
"No d-damnit! Let go!" Hisoka sighed angrily. Why couldn't they understand? No dresses. Ever.  
"Welcome back kid." Terazuma grunted hugging the wall as he went past in order to avoid the flailing limbs.  
"Hisoka-chan, I left some coffee and angel cake on your desk." Wakaba smiled as she gently pried Yuma's arms off from Hisoka's neck.

"Thank you." Hisoka ran for the office.

Yuma pouted. "Wa-ka-ba! Why'd ya do that?"  
"You know why Hisoka doesn't allow the dresses." Wakaba scolded firmly. "Are you trying to tell everyone?"  
"Oops. Hee hee." Yuma laughed nervously.  
"Sorry. We forgot." Saya looked down at the floor.

X

"AHHHHHH! HISOKA! _Watari what did you do!?_"  
"What the hell? What's that fool yelling about now?" Terazuma's head peeped out of his office.  
All of the shinigami quickly ran into the Kyushu pair's office.  
"Tsu-kun what's…oh my…" Wakaba trailed off faintly managing to just see what was wrong with the teenager on the ground and currently being hugged by Tsuzuki.  
"Get. Off. Now." Hisoka's dangerously quiet voice resonated in the office.

"Yosh! Watari squealed. "It's a success!" He threw Tsuzuki off of Hisoka and pulled the young shinigami off the floor. "Look! Bon's a girl!"  
"Anou…" Hisoka's eye developed a twitch. She threw Wakaba a pleading look as she turned to stare resolutely out the window.

"Um, Watari-san? Your potion didn't change Hisoka-chan's gender." Wakaba bit her lip, noticing the increase in chest size. "It just…made her…um, assets more noticeable."  
The men all blinked dumbly, eyes switching between the two teen girls.  
Konoe sighed. "Gentleman." He coughed, drawing their attention. "Hisoka was never a boy. She's been a girl since she was born."

The males all fainted. Typical.

Hisoka moved towards Watari, her hands outstretched as she bent down.  
"Soka-chan what are you doing?" Saya looked apprehensive. Can't blame her really, Hisoka had _that_ look in her eyes.  
"I'm going to strangle him to death." Hisoka replied calmly. "And then I'll find a way to reverse this…change and tell the guys that it was all a joke of yours."

"Can't." Saya sighed.

"Why not?" Hisoka snapped. "They won't know any better."  
"Tsuzuki's conscious." Wakaba pointed out.

"Kuso…" Hisoka gulped noticing the wide violet eyes staring at her… "HENTAI!"…breasts. Tsuzuki was hit with a cup of hot coffee.

Face, meet coffee and cup, the hard thing is Mr. Cup, the hot wet stuff is Mr. Coffee. Tsuzuki thought as he fell back onto ground. I guess I really shouldn't have looked but…Hisoka's…rather….developed now….and reading my thoughts, she has to be, she's got _that_ look in her eyes…shut up Mr. Brain! Now's a good time to be a brainless baka. Gah! Still thinking…ooooh there's the feeling of unconsciousness creeping up. Thank god. Tsuzuki blacked out.

"Ne Yuma! We can dress her up now!" Saya cheered.  
"Yay!" Yuma shrieked racing out of the office to go grab a pink house dress.  
Hisoka was pounding her head against the wall.

XXXXX

"So let me get this straight." Tsuzuki rubbed his forehead. "Hisoka's always been a girl?"  
"Yes."  
"Always?"  
"Yes Tsuzuki."  
"Really?!"  
"YES!"  
"Chief calm down." Tatsumi sighed, rubbing his temples. A headache was starting to emerge from all the yelling. "This is a little much to take in."  
"Though it does explain why Hajime transformed at the archery tournament that time." Watari sing-songed.  
Terazuma and Tsuzuki blinked in realisation. "Oh my god. It does."

"So Hisoka's always been a girl and that you let us think Soka-chan was a boy…because?" Tsuzuki looked confused to tears.  
"Umm…personal reasons?" Konoe guessed.  
"You don't know either?" Tatsumi growled. He felt a vein throb violently in his temple.  
"Well it was the Count who greeted her."  
"That explains it." Came the unanimous reply.

Tsuzuki's fist slammed onto the table. "That pervert! He probably tried to feel Soka-chan up! And on her first day!"

"Poor thing." Watari sniffled, tears flooding his eyes. "Probably scared off of guys for life. Especially since getting her memories of Muraki back not too long after that…"  
"She probably thought it was safer from us as a fellow guy. She's probably scared of all men." Tsuzuki brawled letting his head fall into his hands. "My p-poor p-p-partner."  
Watari joined him in giving off large hiccups and sobs.

"Oh god." Tatsumi muttered watching the scene before him in disbelief.  
"Well, what should we do now?" Terazuma grunted eyeing the pair indifferently.  
Tatsumi fixed his glasses again, looking up with a cold expression. "Just to make sure, I believe we'll pay the Count a visit."

XXX

"They thought…WHAT?!" Wakaba looked as though Konoe had grown as extra head.  
"And now they've gone to the Count to avenge Hisoka's honour. That's sooooo cute!" Yuma cooed.  
"Hisoka? Can you stop hitting your head on hard surfaces already?" Saya moaned. "You'll damage your pretty face."  
Hisoka paused in her self-inflicted abuse and snapped. "It'll heal right away." She then continued to bang her head on Saya's table.  
"Can you at least not get blood on my table? That shade of red clashes with the décor." Saya pleaded.  
"We could use this to your advantage Hisoka-chan." Konoe spoke in an uncharacteristically evil voice. The girl stopped and looked over at him. "Listen well, girls, this is a lesson in underhanded revenge."

XXX

"Tsuzuki! What a lovely day this is! To have you visit me…" The Count trailed off seeing the not-so-happy faces of the shinigami men. "Umm, something wrong?"  
Tsuzuki spoke in a controlled voice. "What…did you do to my partner on her first day here?"  
The Count clapped his hands. "Oh she finally told you she's a girl then?"

"We learnt the hard way after one of Watari's potions…enhanced certain areas."

"Oh?" The Count perked up. "I always thought she'd have had larger ones if she'd lived longer…"

"You pervert!" Tsuzuki threw a pot plant at him. Why? Well, Watson just happened to be walking past with one… "What did you do to her? WHAT?"

"I welcomed her, I thought she was a boy at first and then she corrected me and for a joke I told everyone she was a boy. She went along with it until now. The end."

"That's it?" Watari blinked.

"Yes."

"No perversion? No unwanted advances…no copping a feel while she's vulnerable and recently dead?"

"On a young well-bred lady? Please, I'm an aristocrat not a barbarian. If I had done so I would have done her right and married her."

"Not my Soka-chan you won't!"

"Tsuzuki?"  
"A-a-anou…I didn't say that!"  
"Yes you did!" Watari crowed. "Tsu likes Bon-chan, Tsu likes Bon-chan!"

"Are we in kindergarten or something?" Terazuma asked Tatsumi.  
"I think so." Tatsumi replied frowning. "Count, if you didn't do anything why didn't she tell us?"

"Wouldn't know." The counts gloves moved in a gesture that indicted he was shrugging.  
"Why not?"  
"Because I'm not Hisoka." His mask turned back to Tsuzuki. "Though for you my love, I would be proud to be her!"  
"Anou." Tsuzuki sweatdropped until the image hit his mind and his poor brain exploded. "GAH! NO! My…ah, I mean…poor Hisoka! Don't insult her like that!"

XXX

"Where is everyone? They should be working." Tatsumi growled noticing the empty desks as they returned to the Shokan Division.  
"The girls went to GenSouKai." Konoe replied looking content as he sat with a blanket over his legs books on one side of his desk, sweets on the other.  
"Why?"  
"Oh something about finally taking revenge on Muraki. Apparently it's his fault she never told you about her gender." Konoe was the picture of an innocently confused old man.

"Funny how that name changes Tsu's personality." Watari commented as the violet-eyed man grabbed the other three men and proceeded to drag them down the hall to Wakaba's computer.  
"Why did you grab me for idiot?" Terazuma snarled. "This is not my problem!"

X

Thankfully the Tengu were on their side of the computer, they let them through with no problems. Other than Terazuma almost blowing the office up when he lunged at Tsuzuki. He didn't want to go on a trip you see.

"Tsuzuki!" Byakko performed his customary tackle-glomp. "Soka was here a moment ago. Did you know Hisoka was a girl? And such a little cutie!" Byakko gushed. "Can I adopt her?"

"Why?"

"Well who wouldn't want the bragging rights of a father to that little sweetheart?"

"No…comment." Terazuma muttered backing away from the shiki and its master.  
"Tsuzuki." Kijin smiled as he appeared. (author is now squealing like a fangirl. She loves Kijin) "Hisoka went to see Kurikara. She seemed…upset."

"SOKA!! I'm COMING!"

"That idiot…" Tatsumi slapped a hand to his forehead as the shinigami took off blindly out of the garden. Byakko happily bounced after him.  
Kijin smiled and held up a tray. "Tea gentlemen?"

XXX

"You know its human males I don't like. You being a girl changes everything, you know." Kurikara scolded. "Why didn't you tell me? Girl humans make nice masters."  
"Sorry…" Hisoka sniffled as tears filled her eyes.  
Kurikara melted at the sight of tears. "What's wrong? Ne Hisoka-chan? Tell Onii-sama." He cooed pulling her into a hug. (It could happen….maybe…ok I'm completely mutilating my fandoms, I admit it.)  
"Otouto." She countered leaning against him as she rubbed her eyes. "You're physically younger."  
"Whatever, I'm still the elder" Kurikara dismissed it with a wave. "Now what's wrong?"  
"Well, I never told anyone because…well…" She blushed.

"HISOKA!"

"What's that moron doing here?" Kurikara growled. "This is my place damnit! He has a palace for a shiki he can bloody go there!"  
"Anou…" Hisoka muttered faintly.

"Hisoka! Are you…o…kay?" Tsuzuki stared at her in disbelief for a moment.

"Um, Tsuzuki? Are you okay?"

"Kawaii!" Tsuzuki squealed. "You're in a dress! So kawaii. So…" he broke off squealing again as he glomped her in all her Pink House glory.  
Kurikara dove out of range just in time. "That idiot…"  
"That's what Tatsumi said too." Byakko chirped. "Hisoka does look cute though. Ne Hisoka? Can I adopt you?"  
Kurikara exploded. Figuratively speaking of course. It would be too messy for him to literally do so. "What the hell? That's my master! If anyone's adopting here, it's me!"

"Anou…" Hisoka had a feeling anou was being her new catchphrase as she watched the two argue. She used it a lot more than baka lately…

"Ne Hisoka?" Tsuzuki suddenly turned serious as he cradled her close, he does the personality change from time to time. "Why didn't you tell us?"  
"Um, well…" Hisoka lowered her head hiding the small smile that came to her lips. Konoe would be proud of her, she just knew it. "Well, you see…Muraki…"  
"What did he do?" Tsuzuki growled out.  
"Well, w-when he gave me back my memories…he….modified them a little."

"What?" Kurikara flat-toned.

Hisoka bit her lip, whether out of nervousness or to keep the laughter in the authoress doesn't know anymore. "We-eell…he…mademethinkIreallywasaboy!"

"Um, Kurikara? That's your master so…translation?" Byakko scratched his head turning to the small dragon king.

Kurikara squinted his eyes. "Ummm…something about being made to think…_what_?!" Kurikara yelped. "Are you _serious_?"  
Hisoka nodded, Hisoka blushed, Hisoka got cuddled by her shikigami. Hisoka blushed harder as expected. "You poor thing! I'll kill him!"

"His eye just glowed." Tsuzuki blinked. "What did she say?"

"Muraki made her think she was a guy." The dragon snarled clutching her close.

"Oh…wait a minute." Hisoka bit her lip as Tsuzuki scowled. "That…I'll kill him and throw him in Hell."

"Poor Hisoka!" Byakko sobbed, latching onto her and Kurikara. "We'll avenge our darling daughter won't we Kuriakara?"  
"Our?" Tsuzuki blinked again.  
Kurikara shrugged. "We decided on joint custody."  
"Oh, okay." Tsuzuki smiled. "Let's go then."

"One minute…."  
"Anou.." Hisoka muttered worriedly as Byakko and Kurikara uddenly looked deadly.  
"Why were you hugging our daughter?" The pair intoned.  
"Oh shit." Tsuzuki yelped making a run for it. "Protective father syndrome! Help!"

"Baka…" Hisoka smiled. She had her word back!

XXX

"He what?" Terazuma promptly spat out his tea.  
Wakaba smiled as she handed him a napkin. "You heard us Hajime-chan."  
"That….that…there are no words." Tatsumi sounded disgusted.  
"That sick fuck comes to mind though." Watari muttered.  
"That'll suffice." Tatsumi nodded.

"Everyone!" Tsuzuki yelled running in. Byakko and Kurikara flanked Hisoka as she walked in blushing. "We must avenge Hisoka!"  
"To arms!" Byakko yelled.  
"Kill Muraki!" Kurikara howled.

"Oh dear…" Kouchin murmured as every male left for Chijou, screaming murder. Yes, even SohRyu seemed rather mad. Genbu hobbled after them happily hugging a katana.  
"They really are suckers for the helpless female aren't they?" Suzaku grinned.  
"It's was Konoe's idea. Muraki's causing too much trouble." Yuma snickered. "So he thought take out two birds with one stone."

"Two?' Hisoka asked.

"Well, we did need to avenge you after all so two."  
Hisoka smiled.  
"But," Wakaba spoke slowly. "Do you think we should really let them kill him?"  
They all stared at the table.

"Yea."

"Yes."

"Of course."

"Why not?"

"Hell yea!"

"Alright then, just asking!" The miko smiled. "Ne, want to come over to my place? We can have a sleep over."  
The female shikigami all squealed. Suzaku wrapped an arm around Hisoka as they wandered over to the Suzaku gate. "Hisoka-chan, this is going to be the start of a beautiful future."

Taimou nodded. "Now if we can get Tsuzuki to ask you out, everything will be perfect."

Hisoka blushed brilliantly. "Anou…"

The Insanity Ends Here. (thank for putting up with it. I hope this didn't result in your brains leaking out of your ears and if it did...I take no responsibility.)

NB: There are no ending author notes. The Author has gone into hiding from Hisoka.


End file.
